0. Anger Basics

    Basic Causes Of Anger

            The Position of Weakness

                    Letting your life get out of your control

            Giving Away Your Power (and then resenting it)

                    People Pleasers

                    Self Betrayal

                    Blaming others

            Taking things Personally

                    People only talk about themselves

            Unreal expectations

            Erroneous assumptions

            No Solution

    Accumulation of Rage

                Anger Time-Line

                Resentment

                Self Repression

                Prior Events (The camel's back)

    Defensiveness - Self Preservation

            Domination (How to avoid it without doing it)

            Description??

                    The Instant Reaction - Acting out ??

                    Factors that promote anger ??

1. Before - Preventing Anger Situations (thinking ahead)

       Improving Your Outlook - Expand Your Attitude

              Focusing on yourself and your life rather than others

                     “They… I…” Routine

              Canceling negative thoughts

       Handling Expectations

              Reducing your expectations (let them be hopes)

              Expecting the Unexpected (so you aren’t thrown off)

       Developing Perspective

              Being in touch with all your options

                     Always have alternatives (don’t keep getting into a corner)

       Getting your life under control

              “If you don’t control yourself others will try to do it for you.”

              Making your own decisions, even about things you “have to do”

                     All “have-to’s” are based on wants

              Balance: 50/50 Relationships

                     Letting Others Win ???

       Handling Dominators Without Becoming One

              Separating yourself from dominators

              Dealing with Angry People

2. During - Handling A Specific Situation (immediate response)

              (Note: It takes great effort to be rational when angry.)

       Managing Your Behavior

              Disengaging Verbally

                     Controlling you mouth (Pressing your teeth together)

                     Deep breath. Count to 10. Relax.

              Disengaging Physically

                     Taking a step backward.

                     Taking a 5 minute break. (Similar to count to 50.)

              Listening

              Responding

                     Good Communication Techniques

                     Ask questions (rather than making statements)

                            Attitude (real questions)

                            Specific questions

       Managing Your Thoughts

              Options & Alternatives √

                     Multiple Choices: Selecting from 16 possible responses

                            (good, bad, or otherwise)

                     Alternate Solutions: Brainstorming 10 other ways you

                            could react (good, bad, or otherwise)

3. After - Dissipating Accumulated Anger And Resentment

       Managing Your Feelings

              Venting (without acting out)

                     Talking with a friend or Writing down how you feel

                            Using “I” Statements

                            “I feel like saying… I feel like (doing)…”

                            “I felt like saying… I felt like (doing)…”

                     Choices - “I can (imagine) ___, but I won’t…” - 10 (re)actions

              Humility (Willingness to admit mistakes)

              Reversing Roles

                     Imagining being in his place and he in yours

              Serenity works when logic doesn’t

              Thoughts Determine Feelings

       Managing Your Thoughts - Disengage Mentally

              Perspective

                     Think of 10 other people you have been angry at

                     Think of 10 people you have not been angry at

                     What went on before that led up to this?

              Reality Check (“It seems like… It’s true that…”)

              Responsibility

                     How did you get yourself into the situation?

                            Why did you feel you had to do that?

                     What is more important, what you do or what others do?

                     Who’s anger is it? (Who else would be angry about this?)

                     Empowerment Routine

                     Be-Cause

              Understanding Consequences

                     Consequences Dyad (“I did… I experienced…”)

              Shifting Your Attention

                     Feelings follow thoughts

       Destimulation (Reducing tension)

              “I” Statements

                     “I feel like… I felt like…”

                     Various Statements

       Perspective (“Questions To Ask Yourself”)

              How many times has something like this happened before?

              How do you get yourself into these situations?

              What do you really want?

                     What did you want before you got angry?

              What else are you reacting to?

                     (90% of present anger stems from [originates in] the past)

       Steps 4-5 of the Twelve Step Program

              Using an effective Step 4-5 Journal

              The Part You Played

4. Miscellaneous Lessons

       Have to vs. Want to (see documents)

       Stress vs. Strain (see documents)

       Self Confidence (see documents)

       Options & Alternatives (see "Options Choices Alternatives")

       People Pleasers (see document)

       Self Betrayal (see documents)

       Anger First Aid

       Broad Long Term Anger

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