SIMPLE STRATEGIES

SORT OUT YOUR FEELINGS

When you are angry at someone, your thoughts and feelings get all stirred up and confused. To help get your thoughts straight, try the following exercise in which you look alternately back and forth at your thoughts and your feelings.

What to ask yourself:

1.What has the person done?

2.What do you FEEL like doing about it?

Repeat this at least six times, using "What else…" alternating between “person done” and “you feel”. Answer out loud or write down your answers. This is very important. You will end up with at least 12 answers. It doesn't matter if they are similar or identical. You can tear them up later if you want to. If this exercise helps, continue it further to see how much of the anger you can quench.

Be honest with yourself about how you feel. Look at what you are reacting to, and then what your reaction is, back and forth, over and over. As you continue, your reactions are likely to change and it is very likely that you can quench some of that anger.

ANOTHER SOLUTION

You often get angry at others who do things that you yourself wouldn't do.

When it seems like the other person is "not playing fair", ask yourself, "Is he doing something I wouldn't do?" If the answer is yes, remember you chose to not do it. That is the difference between you and him.

Try this exercise:

Imagine yourself doing something like that. Whatever it was that this person did, imagine yourself doing something like it. Do this several times. This is a very effective way to "blow off steam" and quench your anger without hurting anyone.

Any of these exercises can be helpful to you. And, of course, this isn't all there is to know. Give them a try. And always try to learn more.

AVOID REPETITION

When you calm down or get your feelings under control, then, if the situation still exists, you might want to handle it so it won't happen again. Work it out in a calm, positive, understanding way. Try to create a compromise that both of you can profit from. But remember, if someone is doing something dangerous or illegal it is not just an offense against you, it's an offense against everyone. It's okay to consider getting help.

PREVENTING FUTURE ANGER!

There are many setups for anger. Compromising too much is one of them. See more on "Compromise".

1.Don't betray your principles.

2.Don't compromise beyond your personal limitation of tolerance.

Ask yourself:

What compromise would NOT be okay?

What compromise WOULD be okay?

What compromise am I likely to regret later?

What compromise do I really not want to make?

SOMEONE ANGRY

AT YOU

Other people get angry for the same reasons you do. They over-compromise, betray themselves or their principles, or allow themselves to fall into a position of dependency or weakness.

What to do: Find out where they are coming from.

Try this:

"Have you done something for me or given up something for me?What was it?"

Find out what it was they did and what they were expecting from you.

Or this:

"Have I done something that you wouldn't do. Is there a reason you wouldn't do that?"

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