TheQuiz
ANGER MANAGEMENT QUIZ
© Joseph Belotte 1999
How much do you know about anger? Everything? Something? Nothing? All of the above?
My experience teaching about anger for the past 25 years is that you do know all of the above. In certain ways you know everything. You have experienced the essence of anger. You have felt it and you know it. In other ways it remains a mystery. Some of it makes sense, but not all of it. And in other ways you have no idea of how and why it should hurt you so much.
Did I get some of that right? What do you think about anger? How does it relate to your life? How does it relate to the facts?
You might agree on this simple statement. When you are angry, something in your life is really wrong; you can’t seem to fix it; so you tighten up and hurt.
But that’s my estimation. With you it may be different. Check out the following quiz. Copy the text of this page to your computer; answer the questions; and we’ll see how it compares with others.
Anger is (check all that apply)
A way to solve your problems [ ]
A last ditch effort [ ]
A negative reaction [ ]
A weak position [ ]
Why do you get angry? (check all that apply)
People threaten me [ ]
I get myself into a corner [ ]
I can’t get my way [ ]
I didn’t handle something I should have before [ ]
I let my life get out of my control [ ]
I play fair and others don’t [ ]
When you are angry what do you feel? (check all that apply)
Powerful [ ]
Powerless [ ]
Smart [ ]
Stupid [ ]
Offensive [ ]
Defensive [ ]
What affects you most, your actions or other people’s actions?
Check one: Yours [ ] Others [ ]
How do you lose control over your life? (check all that apply)
Refusing to do things that are necessary to have a good life [ ]
Neglecting to do things that are necessary to have a good life [ ]
Doing things that invite others to take control [ ]
Listening to other people [ ]
Frequently blaming other people [ ]
Believing you have already lost control [ ]
How do you give up control over your life? (check all that apply)
Letting your life go out of your control [ ]
Pretending your life is under control [ ]
Letting your life remain out of your control [ ]
Always having good excuses [ ]
Not reacting to people [ ]
Not doing what is necessary to keep control [ ]
When people do things against you… (check all that apply)
They do it to hurt you [ ]
They do it because they are mean people [ ]
They do it because it is a habit [ ]
They do it because they are already angry about something else [ ]
They do it to protect themselves [ ]
They do it because they don’t know any better [ ]
When you feel yourself getting angry you can: (check all that apply)
Fight [ ]
Leave [ ]
Listen and respond immediately [ ]
Listen, and respond later [ ]
Talk with a friend [ ]
Find another way to handle the situation [ ]
Ask questions [ ]
Control your mouth [ ]
Focus on the offending person [ ]
Focus on your own life and what you are doing with it [ ]
Consider your expectations [ ]
Try to get offending person to change [ ]
Try to get offending person to think what you want him to think [ ]
Worry about what other people are doing [ ]
Worry about what you are doing [ ]
In the past, I set myself up to be angry when I … (check all that apply)
Didn’t anticipate something. [ ]
Believed something that wasn’t true. [ ]
Didn’t believe something that was true. [ ]
Neglected something. [ ]
Expected something. [ ]
Assumed something. [ ]
How do you give other people control of your life? (check all that apply)
Buck the system. [ ]
Do things they cannot tolerate. [ ]
Neglect doing things that need to be done. [ ]
Avoid responsibility. [ ]
How else do you give other people control over your life?
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
Why do you have to do some things? (check all that apply)
Because you can’t get out of it. [ ]
Because someone else demands it. [ ]
Because people are selfish or mean. [ ]
Because people have control issues. [ ]
Because of something you want. [ ]
How do you trip yourself up the most? (check all that apply)
Acting without thinking. [ ]
Doing things that create problems. [ ]
Trying to avoid things. [ ]
Neglecting things that are actually important. [ ]
Fighting battles that aren’t actually necessary. [ ]
Holding on to resentments. [ ]
Following the wrong people. [ ]
Add your own answer: How do you trip yourself up the most?
_________________________________________________
HELP:
What did you do for someone? Fill in two answers:
1. _________________________________________________
2. _________________________________________________
What did someone do for you? Fill in two answers:
1. _________________________________________________
2. _________________________________________________
Who didn’t help you? Name two people:
1. _________________________________________________
2. _________________________________________________
Who insisted on helping you? Name two people:
1. _________________________________________________
2. _________________________________________________
Who demanded your help? Name two people:
1. _________________________________________________
2. _________________________________________________
Who refused your help? Name two people:
1. _________________________________________________
2. _________________________________________________
Who deserved your help? Name two people:
1. _________________________________________________
2. _________________________________________________
Who would you be willing to help? Name two people:
1. _________________________________________________
2. _________________________________________________
Who have you wanted to help? Name two people:
1. _________________________________________________
2. _________________________________________________
Who have you tried to help? Name two people:
1. _________________________________________________
2. _________________________________________________
Who have you failed to help? Name two people:
1. _________________________________________________
2. _________________________________________________
Who have you helped? Name two people:
1. _________________________________________________
2. _________________________________________________
Who have you not helped? Name two people:
1. _________________________________________________
2. _________________________________________________
Who did you not want help from? Name two people:
1. _________________________________________________
2. _________________________________________________
Who could you allow to help you? Name two people:
1. _________________________________________________
2. _________________________________________________
How have you helped someone? Fill in two answers:
1. _________________________________________________
2. _________________________________________________
What help did you not give? Fill in two answers:
1. _________________________________________________
2. _________________________________________________
What else did you do for someone? Fill in two answers:
1. _________________________________________________
2. _________________________________________________
What else did someone do for you? Fill in two answers:
1. _________________________________________________
2. _________________________________________________
GIVING AWAY POWER:
Rage is a defense of a vulnerable person.
True [ ] False [ ] Undecided [ ]
One doesn’t defend anything unless he is actually threatened.
True [ ] False [ ] Undecided [ ]
One doesn’t feel threatened unless he feels vulnerable.
True [ ] False [ ] Undecided [ ]
The more vulnerable a person feels the bigger his defense.
True [ ] False [ ] Undecided [ ]
Rage always intimidates your opponent.
True [ ] False [ ] Undecided [ ]
LOSING CONTROL
You are a strong person. You have proven that well. However, you have put yourself in a weak position. Because of that you have lost control of your own life and you have set yourself up for trouble.
Looking at your own life, list some of the ways you gave up control of your life and set yourself up for trouble.
Finish the following sentences:
I neglected to _________________________________________________
I allowed _________________________________________________
I didn’t consider _________________________________________________
I assumed that _________________________________________________
I refused to accept _________________________________________________
I continued to _________________________________________________
I thought I needed _________________________________________________
I demanded _________________________________________________
I refused to _________________________________________________
SELF DEFENSE:
Who have you had to defend yourself from?
_________________________________________________
How could you avoid that happening in the future?
_________________________________________________
What has someone done to you?
_________________________________________________
How could you avoid that happening in the future?
_________________________________________________
What is someone likely to do to you?
_________________________________________________
How can you deal with that without getting angry?
_________________________________________________
What do you have to be careful about?
_________________________________________________
How can you prepare yourself in case that happens?
_________________________________________________
RESPONDING:
One of the best ways to respond to trouble is to ask questions. If you were having a problem with someone, which of the following questions would be good to ask the person you are having trouble with? (check all that apply)
Are you having a problem I can help you with? [ ]
Are you trying to help me? [ ]
How come you are such a jackass? [ ]
Are you afraid I might do something to you? [ ]
Are you defending yourself from me? [ ]
Is there something you are worried about? [ ]
What are you trying to tell me? [ ]
Is there something I can do to make you feel better? [ ]
Are you trying to make me wrong? [ ]
Would you please repeat that? [ ]
Would you please explain that to me more fully? [ ]
Is there something you are afraid of? [ ]
What is the problem between us? [ ]
Are you trying to dominate me? [ ]
Do you always act this stupid? [ ]
How would you recommend I defend myself? [ ]
How would you defend yourself if you were me? [ ]
How long are you planning to continue this? [ ]
ALTERNATE SOLUTIONS
Which of the following things do you feel you could do in a conflict? (check all that apply)
[ ] React (Act out, the same way you always did, and deal with the consequences.)
[ ] Challenge (Fight back, and deal with the consequences.)
[ ] Resist (Stand firm.)
[ ] Retreat (remove yourself from the situation.)
[ ] Relax (physically relax, let the emotion pass through you.)
[ ] Wait (Put off responding for a period of time.)
[ ] Listen: “I am listening. What else? I hear you. Is that all?”
[ ] Question: Learn rather than teach. Find out what’s really happening.
[ ] Respond (In a positive way)
[ ] Use house tools, or other agreed upon tools.
[ ] Use a resource (Get help from someone else.)
[ ] Discuss (Talk it over with someone who is willing to talk with you.)
[ ] Sort it out (Figure out what is going on and what could resolve it.)
[ ] Circumvent (Find another way around the situation.)
[ ] Disregard (Don’t even consider it part of your life.)
[ ] Help (Opponent is in trouble. Become a helper rather than combatant )
BRAINSTORMING CHOICES
When you get angry at someone there are many choices you can make. The more choices you are aware of, the better you will handle the situation. Brainstorm the following choices by answering all of the questions below.
WHEN YOU GET ANGRY…
What do you usually feel like doing?
_________________________________________________
What else might you do?
_________________________________________________
What might someone else do?
_________________________________________________
What have you done in the past? (Two answers)
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
What might make things worse? (Two answers)
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
What might make things better?_________________________________________________
If you had more time what might you do?
_________________________________________________
If you were the person you really want to be what might you do?
_________________________________________________
WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?
What else can I do to avoid trouble? (check all that apply)
Always have alternatives to what I am planning [ ]
Pay attention to ALL my options [ ]
Reduce my expectations [ ]
Find out the truth before reacting [ ]
Refrain from getting into a position of weakness [ ]
Expect people to act stupidly and not take it personally [ ]
Make my own decisions so I won’t have to blame anyone else [ ]
Get my life under control [ ]
How many ways do you think there are for handling anger besides reacting and acting out? ________________________________________________.
Copy the text of this page into a document on your computer; answer the questions by checking the boxes and filling in the blanks; and then look back over them to see if there are any you might change.
© Joseph Belotte 1998
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