Handling a Conflict

 

CONFLICT


2. ALTERNATE SOLUTIONS



INTRODUCTION:


The following material is based on two simple rules.


1. The more alternatives you can think of the more likely you can find the best solution.


2. There are always many more possible solutions than one imagines when first looking at a problem. To find the best it is necessary to brainstorm---and consider---all angles, positive and negative.



CAREGIVER INSTRUCTIONS


This procedure pushes the client much further through the morass of feelings he has to bypass in order to get to a reasonable resolution of his conflict. As a caregiver more effort will be required to encourage him along.


It doesn't have to be difficult. You only have to understand the purpose and maintain the direction as you will see below. Just read the instructions below and help the client follow them fully.



CLIENT INSTRUCTIONS


Write down on a piece of paper answers to all of the questions below and look them all over before making a choice. Write down at least 3 answers to each question. If you can think of more than three answers write as many as you can. The more possibilities you can think of the more choices and the better able you’ll be to handle the situation.


Remember, just reading this won't work. Even thinking about it won't work. It only works if you follow these instructions.


If necessary go back over the questions to be sure you have at least three answers to each. And if you can't think of an answer, make one up. And then go back and make up at least one more answer to every question.


With all those answers written out in front of you, consider, or discuss with your caregiver, which you feel are best for you.



THE QUESTIONS


What do you feel like doing? What else? What else?


What else might you do? (Good or bad.) What else? What else?


What might someone else do? (Good or bad.) What else? What else?


What have you done in the past? What else? What else?


What might make things worse? What else? What else?


What might make things better? What else? What else?


If you had more time what might you do? What else? What else?


If you were the person you really want to be what might you do? What else? What else?



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NOTE: Each of these routines can be a very effective way to move a client more toward solving rather than perpetuating a problem, if it is done as directed. I am sure you realize that the client has to learn to become a problem solver rather than a problem creator.


Nevertheless, if this doesn't work, or you can't get him to do it, only a few minutes have been lost. Different solutions work for different people, as you know. Feel free to try some of the other First-Aid routines presented here on this site.


Otherwise, the only way to fail for sure is to give up, stop trying, or just keep pursuing the same old solutions that didn't work.


P.S. One can even practice this routine when there is no conflict. Pick a past situation and go through the same procedure.