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Lois

This is a special page for my good friend Lois Sumser. She had asked me a question which gave me an opportunity to look at some things that I haven't looked at for quite a long time. She said, "What are all the twists and turns and ups and downs that made you who you are today?"

Wow! What a question!

From the beginning: I came into this world prematurely and spent my first weeks in an incubator and perhaps I didn't connect with my mother as most babies do and became somewhat of a loner.

My mom and dad were very easy-going and let me figure things out for myself. The trouble was that I made some really big mistakes. Some of the incredible mistakes that I have made, and persisted with for the rest of my life, have led me to believe that I am to some degree mentally deficient, possibly because of being premature.

Somewhere in the seventh grade I became a philosopher. I had no idea what philosopher meant but I found myself talking with a friend about how people who think faster live longer. A person who thinks twice as fast as another experiences a twice longer life.

In the eighth grade I thought some things that I'm taught make sense but other things that I'm taught don't. Well, how do I know that? How can I judge something that I've never heard before? It must be that the answers to everything are already right here in my head, and what a teacher does is just remind me of what I already know.

Of course there are plenty of arguments against that, but ever since I have never trusted anything without first comparing it to what I have in my head.

My first test was Catholic Central high school. Everyone else seemed inclined to except what they were told and went on to have a simple comfortable life. Not me.

In Catholic Central high school Doubting Thomas made a real impression on me, but not the one he was supposed to. The priest said it meant we should believe. I thought “Okay, but who?” The priest said, “Christ, of course.” I said, “But what if I met someone on the road before I met Christ and he taught something else?” The priests tried to convince me of a lot of strange (to me) things.

Somewhere along the way I decided that believing is a substitute for knowing. It is natural that we want to know. Not knowing can be dangerous. But what we don’t seem to understand is that believing can be more dangerous.

Of course the biggest problem in high school was sex. Talk about a problem. My body is telling me one thing and the church is telling me quite another. I managed to put off the problem until my first year in college, but finally I had to know.

I was walking home from a date and thinking very seriously about Hell. I looked everywhere, but I couldn’t find it.

My dad had taught me to be careful about conclusions so I didn't reject anything until I had what I thought was a good reason. So when I decided there was no such thing as hell I had a pretty damn good reason. (Link to story if there's time ) And when I decided that if there is a God I have no choice other than to trust him I also had a pretty damn good reason. Then, of course, I was totally on my own.

EVERYTHING AFTER THIS POINT IS ROUGH DRAFT NOTES WHICH BECAUSE OF MY CONDITION I DOUBT I WILL HAVE TIME TO EDIT.

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In my first year in college I discovered that there is no such thing as hell. 

When I opened my eyes what I saw convinced me that it was all a sham. There were people who did incredibly evil things and there were incredibly ignorant people who did incredibly evil things but there were no truly evil people. They always felt that they were doing good. Of course even some of my closest friends will argue that. 

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During my second year in college I read a magazine article that said That the human mind records absolutely everything that is experiences but the memories cannot be accessed because of the pain in many of these memories. That was interesting enough that I went to the library and bought a book by the same author. 

I read Books by Ron Hubbard, and most everything he said seemed to be right. One thing after another seem to be right…

When I was told that people are basically good but act erratically when they are confused by decisions they made during painful or trying times it seemed to be right. 

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He also said that an individual is not just a famous football player but he is also a part of a family, a part of and supported by many survival groups, a part of and dependent on another group called all life forms plus another group called all material things so-and-so – and should therefore act accordingly. (My wording)

But then he said other things that didn't register and I didn't believe

He taught about the power of agreement, that every thing we have of any value was created by agreement and everything we have destroyed was brought about by disagreement. And mad and forced agreement and threatened agreement or not really agreement.

These things may be obvious to you as they were to me but nowhere in my previous education did anyone focus so thoroughly on these important things. 

IN PROGRESS - MUCH MORE TO BE WRITTEN AND EDITED.

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One of the more recent "ups" was after Lois asked me this question. I realized that when she asked me that question she didn't do it so she could know. she did it so I could know. She really is the queen of all therapists.

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