Caregivers are a brave bunch of people. Every day they face something they cannot entirely understand. And they do whatever is in their power to deal with it. This is why President, Barack Obama has instituted National Family Caregivers Month.
My wife is one of those people. I may be biased but I can't help feeling that she's three times a caregiver, a queen of caregivers, although I don't know how many other wonderful caregivers there are out there.
I have not been able to keep up with her. A couple of times I have tried to list what she has done for me. Some things seemingly simple and unimportant—but not really. Other things are quite complicated, like arranging all of my doctor and hospital appointments—with all the extra actions that go with it. And then there are the many things that other caregivers also do. Here is my feeble attempt to say, “I noticed, and I appreciate.”
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You participated in my doctor interviews contributing important questions and comments based on your nursing experience.
You administered numbing cream for me whenever my port was to be accessed.
You laid out all my medications for me every week so that I wouldn’t have to do it. The list of my current medications is in my small card wallet along with my drivers license that I carry with me whenever I go out.
You provided nursing care for my right leg, morning and night. Medication cream, moisturizing cream, heating pad and compression stockings.
You monitored me when I took a shower, lest I fall, and helped me dry off.
You did my laundry which included disposing of a constant trail of diaper pads.
You were always one step ahead, constantly anticipating what I might need and what I should avoid. Whenever I made a move to do anything you were already right there with the towel or the shirt or the silverware or whatever. Like a magic guardian angel.
If you had to be absent, to do your exercises or meet with a friend, or be out of town for a few days, you had it all planned ahead. You told me where you’re going and how long you will be gone and made sure that whatever I might need would be within reach, available for me while you’re gone.
And I also have to thank you for doing nothing, for the things that you used to complain about that you don't complain about anymore. I notice and I truly appreciate that you accommodate me 24/7 allowing me freedom to do what I want so long as it isn’t dangerous while gently steering me away from behavior that could be harmful to my health.
All I can do is say, “Thank you,” and do my best to help out.
Attempting to complete the list
“How do I appreciate thee? Let me count the ways.
“I appreciate your handling my medical problems, my medications, my appointments and all the rest; and carefully making sure that everything goes right.
“I appreciate that you tell me when you're going to be doing something so I'll know what's going on. "I'm going down to do the laundry. I'm going out to water the lawn. I'm going across the street to visit Ellie for an hour," always letting me know.
“I appreciate you watching me constantly, staying one step ahead in case something might get in my way or go wrong.
“I also appreciate the many little personal things like making sure I have the movie page, or buying a card I need to send to someone and reminding me about things I have forgotten.
“I appreciate you making sure I don't fall, putting the heat wrap on my leg, etc.
“I appreciate your doing my laundry, plus taking care of the house and the yard single-handed, fixing meals, picking up after me when I leave a mess, doing shopping, and when you can't be around getting someone else to take your place. It's like you're living my life three feet ahead of me, clearing the way, to make sure that everything is smooth and comfortable.
“Those are only a few of the things that I appreciate. I also appreciate all the other things that should be on this list. Of course it doesn't end, so there's no way I can complete this list.
“You carried my comforter to Pennsylvania so that I would feel "at home" when we were there. And you wrangled everything else that was needed so that we could visit aunts Sophie and Marie in Troy.
“And you started smiling at me again; maybe you remember that I said "I couldn't live without your smile." I can now, but that doesn't mean that I don't totally appreciate it.
“You dried my socks within a half a day so that I'll be able to put them on after my shower and laundered my horseshoe-shaped pillowcase within a day so that I wouldn’t have to sleep without it. You don't fuss at me for wearing my street clothes, including shoes, to bed.
“And I appreciate those other things that I am forgetting at the moment that we both know should be on this list.
“Come many more…
But one more thing I'll sing:
“My appreciation,
Truer than needing,
truer than wanting,
Not demanding,
not deserving,
Beholds
And appreciates totally
That you exist.”
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Why has Karen treated me so amazingly well? She has told me it was because she was a nurse. She has told me it was because she had made a commitment. If there are any other reasons, I haven't heard, but those two reasons are certainly enough. If you are reading this, Karen, I can't stop thanking you.
