When someone considers himself less important he will do all kinds of crazy things. I have collected a few examples so you can begin to see how serious this is. The effect of one of these is bad enough, but when it goes on year after year…
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I went along with Karen as usual when she invited her brother and his wife to stay with us indefinitely while his son was being treated at NIH. A while later I insulted him so badly, while trying to make my needs more important, that he left the house and never talked to me again.
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I felt, being so unimportant, that I had no control over my money and I tried to preserve my retirement account by putting it in my daughter’s name, which freaked Karen out entirely when I mentioned it at a meeting with our financial adviser. Another example of my erratic behavior that caused Karen increasing concern.
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My behavior eventually caused Karen such concern that on May 1 she started closing her door to me. For a while the side effects of the cancer caused me to urinate every 45 minutes. So we set up separate rooms so that I would not wake her up constantly. But she always left her door open so I could come in and say goodnight. I don’t remember what I did, but I did something and the door closed and remained closed until something made her feel comfortable again.
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When Karen was talking with her sister or friends she's usually cheerful and smiling and laughing. With me, not so much. So I kept trying to make silly jokes in order to make her laugh, but I think it just made her wonder more about what I was up to.
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Then there is not reaching for her when I needed her and my subsequent fetish about sex. Click here for the story.
She said, “Why do you keep talking about sex all the time?” She didn’t know, because I never told her.
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Now and then I would try to eavesdrop and listen in when Karen was talking with her sister and friends on the phone so I could keep up with the news. I didn't think I was important enough to ask. The good news is, now, I do ask, and even join the conversation.
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A person who considers himself less important will do all sorts of things to make himself more important. They are doomed to failure and are hell in a relationship.
