THE PROBLEMS OF FEELINGS


Normal feelings are spontaneous, whether good or bad! This is your emotional response to what is going on in the present moment. They are transient. You feel good about something in the morning. You feel bad about something in the afternoon. You feel good about something else in the evening. These feelings are valuable and important. You wouldn't be human without them.


Bad feelings are only a problem when they continue on too long. Then they are no longer spontaneous. They continue, accumulating greater force, and go out of control. They no longer relate to what is going on now. You have accumulated emotional charge from the past. The accumulated feelings are no longer useful, and they become dangerous and destructive.


This is not emotion. This is out-of-control emotion. Let's see how these feelings build up.


You are angry at a person once. You get over it. The next time you are angry at that person reminds you a bit of the first time, and the first time becomes part of the second. Then if you get angry with that person a third time it is reinforced by the other two, and they all become part of each other. It doesn't take much more for you to "explode", or to decide not to deal with that person any more. Then, when the situation arises where you have to deal with that person, you may find it necessary to suppress your feelings.


Let's say you join a club or organization. You want to be helpful and you know you have something of value to give. On the very first day you are working there, something comes up. There is something you want to do, but you can't do it. You are frustrated.


It's just a small thing. On a scale of one to ten, the degree of frustration is about a "1". It's just a small frustration. You can overlook it, and forget about it.


Some time goes by and then again something doesn't go right and you feel frustrated again. It is a small thing. The level of frustration on a scale of 1 to 10 is actually only a "2". However, it feels like a "3". Another day there is another minor frustration. Again, it is only a level "2" frustration, but things are beginning to seem repetitive. A pattern is beginning to set in. The present frustration reminds you of the past frustrations, and they all seem to go together. And, now, the frustration seems like a level "4" rather than a level "2".


Notice how this works. Although none of the frustrations are really very big, each one seems a little bigger than the last. Finally, one more frustration is "too much". It can be just a small thing, a minor disagreement that might take five minutes to correct. But, for you, it's a "10". It's the last straw! You feel put upon, overwhelmed, challenged, betrayed, angry or fearful. It's not because of the current frustration. It's because of the accumulation of many. And a small thing that you really could handle has gone beyond your capacity to handle.


This sort of thing happens to everyone. It is often described by the phrase, "the straw that broke the camel's back." And, it was straw, not rocks, that destroyed the camel.


This is how feelings accumulate, and no matter how "forgotten" past feelings seem to be, the truth is that all those past feelings are still with you. Having "forgotten them" does not get rid of them. It only puts them in a box where they can be used against you later, and where they continue to weigh upon you. Extensive research has proven that 85% of the feelings you believe are current are not current at all. They are accumulated feelings from the past all congealed together.


To deal effectively with unwanted feelings, it is necessary to separate them out, put them in their place. Then, by keeping your past feelings out of the way, you will find that you are much better able to handle your present, spontaneous feelings.



WHAT ABOUT OTHERS?


Is this problem any different for others? No! When someone is emotional and directing his emotions at you, you can be assured that 85% of those feelings are from his past and other circumstances. There is absolutely no need to take it personally. You can understand what is happening to him and not get reactive.



Learn more:        DEALING WITH FEELINGS